its over

okay so maybe this blog post is a lil late but its over between me and aaron. shit and i thought he was the one. i was so sure that we would make it to a year. now we know how effective THAT strategy is. damn. and i was willing to change everything to keep him with me. but according to him, he had given me 11 months of chances. well it would have helped if you had told me, you BASTARD. lets list the excuses that he gave for making me break up with him:

1. im not a lefty, sam is. IM AMBIDEXTROUS!!!
2. im emo. duh. i have depression. you were supposed to HELP me get rid of it. not get rid of me.
3. im not energetic enough, sam is.
4. i dont smile enough. geez, read point 2.
5. im too serious about our relationship. he wants someone that he doesnt have to meet everyday or at all. like with vanessa, all he did was talk on the phone, and apparently, that was enough. BUT IT WASN'T, WAS IT? THE RELATIONSHIP ENDED. RELATIONSHIPS DONT WORK THAT WAY YOU FOOL!!!
6. he thinks that i'm in trouble with my friends because of him. aaron, you mean so much to me. i can work out those problems myself
7. according to him, smiling is a way of showing love. kissing isn't. how ironic.
8. he thinks that he would rather have a gf that is like his best friend. i could have been your best friend if you had let me.

i love/hate him so much. i really hate mondays cuz we broke up on that day. i slapped him on wednesday. i wanted to hurt him so much more. sooo so so so so much more. i want to beat him up. channel all my love for him in those punches. i want to kill sam. i am gonna hurt you so bad, baby, you are in for the ride of your life.

you know what? aaron even had the guts to tell me to not hurt her. there goes yet another knife to my heart. thank you. as if 13 billion aren't enough. its so sad that you are so immature. you're so beautiful. but you are my downfall. WHY? i don't need a reason to be angry at God. i would hate for you to make me be angry with Him.

but its my fault too. i refused to read the signs. i saw them, just refused to read them. i was scared of losing you like i did the first time. but after all the pain that you have brought me, i am numb towards any other pain. for that, you deserve a big thank you. and a right hook! thanks to you, i will never know when i've fallen in love again, if i ever do.

you say that i should go on the pill. i say no. i will never experience real emotion again. i need you to help me through this.

i guess you never really loved me. if you did, you would have told me about this problem and we could have fixed it. i wouldnt have had to crawl around, like a snake, thinking about you all the time.

but, baby, believe me. i meant what i said about everything in your life slip away. i'll make sure of it. all that you will have left is me.

aaron if you ever get to read this, here are three words for you to think about:

HOW COULD YOU?